August 30, 2008

Place for everybody in the car

Why do little things sometimes hurt so nastily?
I liked to belong to the community as into a big family. We were together our daily free time, we shared our lives with each other, belonged together. We met brothers from other towns at weekends. In winter we often rented some classrooms in a schoolhouse for this. Sunday evening we packed our things, made order after ourselves and drove home. There was a place for everyone in the vans.
Not all was in a good balance there, but I miss especially this belonging into a big family. Everybody was waited to the meetings, everybody was called to take responsibility for our common life and mission, an everyone did it more or less. There was time to talk personally.
Well, this year I have already the second time am frustrated after a period of daily meetings. There was a week-long conference and a two-week course where I was daily together with some people. And after this time, the world outside of our community seems especially individualistic and cold. Everyone returns to his den to his private life or other friends. And I'm again only in two in my immediate family.
Both times, it seems, I expected something according my community's standards. To be a bit longer together, to share still something before the departure.. I forgot I was not any more in the community where knowing each other and sharing is a value in itself..
So this time, the last day of the course we made order in the school we had rented. I had joy to play a bit with a child who felt boring. According to our community, I thought it must be good in the eyes of his parents. As it was the last day, we finished later than usually, I was a bit anxious about an expected meeting with my boss the next day, and hoping to get a lift with the car as it had happened rather often. But it turned out there were six of us for a car with 5 places. And a person who lives nearer to the school than we was invited to the car. Without any explanation for such a choice. My disappointment must have been very clear from my face.. I don't know if they noticed it, but even if they noticed - there was not enough space in the car for all of us. (and it wouldn't have been very nice to let that person alone neither) This was a too sudden end for the two-week work together..
Well, it's their car, not a common van as in the community. Perhaps we even don't win much in time comparing to taking bus. It's matter of relationships, of belonging together, of being attentive to each other. If they had at least given an understandable reason for the choice in the very situation, it could have been easier. I cannot blame them really, it's a clash of different sub-cultures. In the community the vans united us, enabling us to meet brothers in other towns, but outside, cars tend to separate, because there is often not enought space for everyone who might join. :(