I don't have intensive grief any more (for some years have passed since then), but I still feel something missing in my life.
Do I feel something missing because there I experienced real love and now not?
Well, one thing I miss is talking more about the Bible and theological questions instead of earthly daily matters. But only talking shouldn't be the aim, we need also time to practice the love..
I also miss closer sharing of life. But there we all lived in a too uniform way, so it was easier to share - to take part, to understand. It also happened on the cost of all extra-community relationships. We lived in our own world, loving (having time for) those only who were interested in our lifestyle.
To be honest, I also miss nature walks and travelling around easily. That is just what I like, and connected to love only by wish to be together with friends (who like the same). Still, only travelling and walks without spiritual talk or prayer feel somewhat empty.
...
There I received more attention, encouragement-admonishment, I felt more needed. But I had too little time for reflecting individually in front of God.
Briefly, there were some aspects of real love, but the love wasn't perfect there either.
August 9, 2009
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